Richard Ritikos with his children (anti-clockwise from bottom) Rachel, Rebecca, and Mark. Photo: Richard Ritikos.

What makes a true father?

The mere act of helping in the conception of a child – while one of the greatest privileges given to men by God – does not make a man a true father.

In his book The Father of the Family, American Catholic therapist and father of eight, Clayton C Barbeau, shared that it was the conscious sense of responsibility and love for the physical and spiritual well-being of others that are the marks of a true father.

In other words, a true father is not one who merely contributes biologically to the conception of the child, but one who is present and accepts responsibility of the nurturing and the upbringing of the child.

Saint Joseph’s example

The patron saint of fathers, St Joseph, was not the biological father of Jesus. Yet, he was, without a doubt, a true earthly father who raised Jesus with love and care.

As a carpenter, Jesus would have learned about the craft of woodwork from him. Joseph in turn would have taken Jesus as his apprentice, teaching Him the right way to select raw materials and use the tools correctly.

Pope Francis said in an interview with L’Osservatore Romano on Jan 13, 2022 that earthly fathers can learn from St Joseph.

“Joseph was such a good father that Jesus found in this man’s love and paternity the most beautiful reference He could give to God.”

He continued, “Joseph shows us his ability to take care of Jesus without ever possessing Him, without ever wanting to manipulate Him, without ever wanting to distract Him from His mission. A father is good when he knows how to remove himself at the right time so that his child can emerge with his beauty, with his uniqueness, with his choices, with his vocation.”

Adoptive fatherhood

For Richard Ritikos, a 49-year-old parishioner from the Church of St Francis Xavier, fatherhood is more than the biological. “It’s the love that you have for your children that matters most, not whether they are biologically yours or not,” said the father of three.

“Mark is my biological child, but Rebecca and Rachel are not. That doesn’t mean I am any less of a father to them than I am to Mark,” he said.

Richard explained that he and his wife Marcia had always wanted children, and it took five years before they were blessed with Mark. However, after another three years of being unable to conceive, they began to pray and discerned that perhaps God was calling for them to adopt a child.

“Rebecca came first, and for her, we were very involved from the start. We were even there at the hospital when she was delivered.”

He continued, “For Rachel, I remember the agency calling us and asking whether we would like to adopt this baby, and we had to make a decision within two days. And Marcia and I just thought of how blessed we were that God was sending us another child.”

Now that they are older, Richard says that he makes sure he sets time aside with each one of his children individually. “Giving them attention like this shows that each one of them is unique and special in their own way. And it’s also my little way to let them know that I love them.”

Richard said that Mark, who is now 16 years old, has begun reflecting what he has seen from Marcia and himself by becoming a loving and responsible older brother to his two younger sisters.

“Mark loves his younger siblings to bits. He breaks up any sibling squabbles that they may have and helps them with their homework,” he said. “Rebecca and Rachel often go to him for help with anything they need as well,” he added.

“The most important thing for me is to ensure that my wife and I are strongly anchored in the faith. We hope we can be good witnesses to Christ so our children will love God as much as we do,” he said.