A Straits Times story on Jul 14 highlighted Singapore’s ‘great baby drought’, with the number born in 2023 the lowest in 50 years. Obstetrician and gynaecologist SAMANTHA YEO shares her thoughts on what might be causing this trend and how Catholic couples can welcome children while continuing to work at their careers.

Singapore’s birth rates have fallen to a historical low, and an increasing number of married couples are choosing to delay or avoid having children. In my view, normalising pregnancy and childbearing amongst working women is key in overcoming this trend.

Looking at the big picture, a woman’s peak reproductive years are short, and these often directly collide with the prime of her career. Because of this, both employers and employees have to make conscious compromises to remain aligned as a woman’s professional and personal aspirations mature along with her.

Prioritising these adjustments early within a stable marriage is also important, because intentionally delaying childbearing may result in involuntary childlessness and regret.

It takes a village

As full-time obstetrician and gynaecologist, and a mother of three young children, I am acutely aware of the constant juggle between work and family. These struggles are not unique to me, as the challenges of parenthood are universal and vary through the seasons of life.

I have discovered that there will always be competition between personal aspirations and looking after a family. Despite sacrifices on all fronts, some amount of ‘mom guilt’ is inevitable. Making peace with this is the first step in reconciling this internal conflict.

I used to worry about leaving my own children in the care of others while I rush to deliver babies at odd hours, but I’ve since realised that children are more resilient than we expect. Indeed, mine adapted quite quickly to this lifestyle.

A bonus is they have grown very close to my parents, who love and care for my children as if they are their own. It truly takes a village to raise a child, and mothers should not feel pressured to be everything to everyone all at once.

“It truly takes a village to raise a child, and mothers should not feel pressured to be everything to everyone all at once.”

God’s timing is perfect

My patients often ask how they will know when to have a child, and how many to have. While planning ahead can help avoid ‘surprises’ during already tumultuous times, there is never a ‘perfect’ time to have a child.

As with all miracles of life, doctors are often simply only vessels of God’s work. With the exception of couples facing fertility challenges, my best advice to those contemplating starting or expanding their families is to simply open their hearts and minds. Ultimately, “Every good and perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17), and only God can determine the exact time in which his blessings of life are to be received.

Love yourself, too

Experiencing pregnancy and motherhood myself has helped me relate more closely to my patients. One concern which resonates with all mothers is how to keep a sense of self while providing for the needs of a family. Transitioning into new parenthood will have its difficulties, and there will never be a complete way to balance all the demands of time.

Nourishing one’s soul with activities that spark joy can help protect a mother’s mental health and allow her to be present for her loved ones. Contrary to popular belief, ‘me time’ is all the more important after the arrival of children.

For women battling the abyss of maternal depression – know that this can be overcome, and that help is just a call away. No woman should be shamed for seeking psychological aid, and it often takes more strength to ask for help than to suffer in silence due to fear of judgment.

Women should not feel like they are on this journey alone – there are many resources and communities available to alleviate the isolation of fertility, pregnancy, and the postpartum.

The nights are long but the years are short. I remind new mothers that the sleepless newborn phase is – mostly – temporary. In fact, it is in caring for my own babies in the dead of night that I feel God’s presence most. You may provide food and physical comfort to a baby, but only God can make it sleep.

I thank my own parents for their labour of love in raising me, and, now, my own children. I also thank all my patients who have granted me the precious opportunity to journey with them on their path to parenthood, and I hope that more couples will open their hearts and minds to receive God’s greatest blessings.

Dr Samantha Yeo is a member of Catholic Family Life.