Have you ever felt challenged trying to understand and connect with your teenager? You are not alone.

Br Colin Wee, a La Salle Brother said he related well with this. Speaking to more than 60 parents at the Compassion & Truth talk at Church of Christ the King, Br Colin said he understood the pains and heartaches they experienced. Br Colin who heads HopeHouse, a shelter for boys who have either been abandoned by their families or are in conflict with the law, shared stories of how he too experienced these challenges at the home.

Teens have a desire to do well in life

Br Colin shared that all teenagers have a natural desire to do well by meeting what is expected of them. They try to participate in family events, including taking care of their siblings, keeping their space tidy and even being involved in religious practices. In school, they study and try to do well to pass their exams. They are also law-abiding and hope to get a good job to be financially independent. With their friends, they are loyal and will try to conform through their dressing to blend it. Issues of sexuality and relationships are important to them and most will somehow meet these expectations in order to be accepted by others and even by themselves.

Challenges teens face
However, some teenagers struggle to meet these expectations, both from school and home. Unmet expectations from school or behavioural problems may cause the teen to feel as if they are a failure. As a result, the teen gradually withdraws from the family. Moreover, if the issue is not addressed, the teen may end up on the wrong side of the law. After which, the teenager seeks help and solace from peers who are usually in similar situations.

Needs of teenagers

Identity

Br Colin highlighted the importance of the “identity group” being a very powerful influence on the behaviour of teenagers. The failure to belong to a positive group may result in the teen seeking their identity through crime, drugs, promiscuous sex and rebellion from family.

Intimacy

Understanding teenagers and not judging them is crucial as it provides them a safe space to be opened, to share openly and intimately from the heart. Daniel, a father who attended the talk, is aware of the importance of how the home environment can affect his teen’s identity. He and his wife try to provide a safe and non-judgemental home environment by ensuring that relationships are positive and open. He knows too well that if teens do not experience intimacy at home, they will seek acceptance outside.

Social needs

Meeting the social needs of the teenager are essential. Br Colin said that if parents were to deny their children with the basic necessities such as food, shelter, relationship and literacy, it could result in them seeking alternative means through vices to meet their needs.

Spirituality

The absence of a relationship with a supreme being and not knowing what to do about it is typical of youth. Yet, spirituality provides grounding and guidance in life.

The family – the emotional base for your teen

Br Colin reminded the parents that the teenage years is a time of physical, emotional, social and cognitive change. They need support and understanding from parents as they try to handle the changes and expectations during adolescence. The family is the emotional base where teens will feel loved and accepted, no matter what goes on in their lives. Strong family relationships can help your teens grown into a well-adjusted, considerate and caring young adult.