Raising a family demands money, sacrifice, and the scariest of them all - embracing uncertainties. The unknown is immensely scary and it is the very thing I try hard (and with great futility) to eradicate from my life. Surely, I cannot embark on something this HUGE without some form of guarantee that things will be alright!

Meeting three different families during the filming of Catholic Family Life’s mission video was perhaps God’s way of nudging me to see that the beauty of family is not so much in a life of certainty and blissfulness, but rather in walking the unknowns of life together as a family.

The families we met during the filming had their own challenges, but they all spoke about their experience of the joy and love of family that comes from being with each other even in adversities. Here are 3 takeaways I had learnt from the 3 families.

Acceptance rather than perfection

Beneath many of my fears lies the desire to be a perfect parent. Our families are all imperfect in various ways, and maybe perfection is really not the goal of parenthood and family life. As I listened to the sharing of the Jeraled family during the interview, I realized that raising three children, including one with special needs, certainly did not sound easy. It was a testimony that love truly demands the gift of self. Parents, Linus and Rosalind, as well as their two children have had to make sacrifices and learn to embrace their special needs child/sibling. Being there for one another through different seasons of their lives and holding on to their faith in God showed me how beauty and goodness emerges most clearly through their struggles. In Rosalind’s words, “Family doesn’t mean everybody is perfect. You accept the differences to tell them, ‘I still love you as you are’.”

Uncertainties of kids changing my marriage

It is not uncommon to hear about couples having too little time and energy for each other after becoming parents. With more responsibilities and needs to attend to, I wonder and worry about how it would change my marriage and our familiar routines as a couple. In fact, I was quite convinced that having children would most likely put an end to romance. It was therefore surprising to me when we visited Clarence and Jocelyn’s family, that after six children, they are still very much in love with each other! It struck me that it is possible to still have a fulfilling marriage that is equally focused on each other and the children. Being part of the Couple Empowerment Programme community helps Clarence and Jocelyn on their relationship journey. Support from their ‘village’, such as Clarence’s parents who lives together with them, also allows them time to be together as a couple. I have come to see that having children will indeed change my marriage, but not for the worse. Parenting six children had certainly given Clarence and Jocelyn much joy and laughter!

Trust that God will be with me

During the interview with our third family, Elizabeth’s heartfelt words gave me a sense of comfort and assurance, “Raising a kid is not a walk in the park. There are ups and downs….the fact that I have God, I could just turn to Him all the time.” It struck me that starting a family feels like a huge leap of faith and I kept circling around the list of pros and cons about having children and finding no conclusive answer. In the end, it boils down to one question – Can I trust God to walk this journey with my husband and I? It dawned on me that I had left God entirely out of the picture this whole time!

While I cannot be sure of anything else in parenthood, the one thing I can place my trust and confidence in is that God will be with me. As I continue to ask the Lord to help me be open to His plans, I am challenged to entrust my fears and my hopes to Him. I pray I will remember these three takeaways from the interviews:

•    Acceptance and love, rather than being a perfect mother.
•    Having God in my vocation as a wife and mother is my only certainty.
•    I can trust and turn to God ALWAYS.

Reflection contributed by Leia*

*Pseudonym

Reference:

(Singapore's total fertility rate drops to historic low of 1.05 - CNA (channelnewsasia.com)

Meeting three different families during the filming of Catholic Family Life’s mission video was perhaps God’s way of nudging me to see that the beauty of family is not so much in a life of certainty and blissfulness, but rather in walking the unknowns of life together as a family. The families we met during the filming had their own challenges, but they all spoke about their experience of the joy and love of family that comes from being with each other even in adversities. Here are 3 takeaways I had learnt from the 3 families.

Acceptance rather than perfection

Beneath many of my fears lies the desire to be a perfect parent. Our families are all imperfect in various ways, and maybe perfection is really not the goal of parenthood and family life. As I listened to the sharing of the Jeraled family during the interview, I realized that raising three children, including one with special needs, certainly did not sound easy. It was a testimony that love truly demands the gift of self. Parents, Linus and Rosalind, as well as their two children have had to make sacrifices and learn to embrace their special needs child/sibling. Being there for one another through different seasons of their lives and holding on to their faith in God showed me how beauty and goodness emerges most clearly through their struggles. In Rosalind’s words, “Family doesn’t mean everybody is perfect. You accept the differences to tell them, ‘I still love you as you are’.”

Uncertainties of kids changing my marriage

It is not uncommon to hear about couples having too little time and energy for each other after becoming parents. With more responsibilities and needs to attend to, I wonder and worry about how it would change my marriage and our familiar routines as a couple. In fact, I was quite convinced that having children would most likely put an end to romance. It was therefore surprising to me when we visited Clarence and Jocelyn’s family, that after six children, they are still very much in love with each other! It struck me that it is possible to still have a fulfilling marriage that is equally focused on each other and the children. Being part of the Couple Empowerment Programme community helps Clarence and Jocelyn on their relationship journey. Support from their ‘village’, such as Clarence’s parents who lives together with them, also allows them time to be together as a couple. I have come to see that having children will indeed change my marriage, but not for the worse. Parenting six children had certainly given Clarence and Jocelyn much joy and laughter!

Trust that God will be with me

During the interview with our third family, Elizabeth’s heartfelt words gave me a sense of comfort and assurance, “Raising a kid is not a walk in the park. There are ups and downs….the fact that I have God, I could just turn to Him all the time.” It struck me that starting a family feels like a huge leap of faith and I kept circling around the list of pros and cons about having children and finding no conclusive answer. In the end, it boils down to one question – Can I trust God to walk this journey with my husband and I? It dawned on me that I had left God entirely out of the picture this whole time!

While I cannot be sure of anything else in parenthood, the one thing I can place my trust and confidence in is that God will be with me. As I continue to ask the Lord to help me be open to His plans, I am challenged to entrust my fears and my hopes to Him. I pray I will remember these three takeaways from the interviews:

•    Acceptance and love, rather than being a perfect mother.
•    Having God in my vocation as a wife and mother is my only certainty.
•    I can trust and turn to God ALWAYS.

Reflection contributed by Leia*

*Pseudonym

Reference:

(Singapore's total fertility rate drops to historic low of 1.05 - CNA (channelnewsasia.com)