Photo: istock/Jorisvo.

Does the term ‘divorced Catholic’ seem contrary to what Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:6 that married spouses are no longer two, but one, and “what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder”? In the 2016 Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia (AL), Pope Francis said that while the Church’s teaching about divorce remains unchanged, all Catholics are invited to make respectful accompaniment a priority for those who are separated, divorced or abandoned. “Respect needs to be shown especially… to those who have been forced by maltreatment from a husband or a wife to interrupt their lives together.

To forgive such an injustice that has been suffered is not easy, but grace makes this journey possible. Pastoral care must necessarily include efforts at reconciliation and mediation.” (AL 242)

Seeking to bring hope and healing to those who are divorced or separated and helping them and their families live the universal call to holiness, the Catholic Divorce Support Group (CDSG) suggests four ways for us to respond with love, hope and charity:

1. Be conscious of pre-conceived prejudices and views

In our interactions with our brothers and sisters, we might sometimes react according to our prejudices and personal views, which may result in an assumption or misrepresentation of their story. For example, do we have the impression that they “didn’t try hard enough to save their marriage”, or are “less forgiving” as persons? Do we view them as “sinners” who have contravened the teachings of the Church on marriage? It is important to first be aware of these notions so that we can instead respond in a life-giving way to our hurting brothers and sisters.

In Jesus’ encounter with the woman caught in adultery (John 8:3-11), He told the scribes and Pharisees, “let the one among you who is guiltless be the first to throw the stone.” As Saint Paul wrote, each of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but we are justified by the grace of Redemption gifted to us by Christ Jesus (Romans 3:23-24)

Therefore, instead of casting judgment, we should hold a safe space to listen with solicitude, empathy and respect.

2. Be aware of what is said

Regardless of our intention, using terms such as “broken home” or “dysfunctional family” loosely and with little thought can be hurtful and discouraging for a single parent who is doing their utmost to pursue healing and raise their children lovingly. We may also perpetuate the misconception that single-parent families are incapable of creating homes of love and faith.

It is thus important to be attentive and intentional with our words and uphold the dignity of our brothers and sisters through words of encouragement and support.

3. Understand the teachings of the Church

Do we make time to understand and reflect on the teachings of the Church on divorce and marriage? Or do we unintentionally hold misconceptions about them? For example, some members of CDSG have shared that they were told that they were excommunicated from the Church, and/or cannot receive Holy Communion because of their divorce.

This, however, is inaccurate, as divorced Catholics are equally welcome to receive Jesus in the flesh if they are in a state of grace. The Catholic Church even has saints who were divorced or separated, but who, by the grace of God, continued striving to lead holy lives.

Click here to read more on the Church’s teachings on divorce.

Click here to read more about saints who were divorced.

4. Understand what support services and structures are available

Catholics who have gone through or are going through a divorce may feel uncertain or anxious about their future. They may face struggles feeling lonely, or picking up their lives again. They could most certainly use a listening ear and most importantly, a friend. Pope Francis added that the Church needs to be the familiar face and a channel of healing and support for parents and children to see them through this traumatic experience. (AL 246)

Two such programmes offered by CDSG and Beginning Experience may help in this journey of healing:

Surviving Divorce
A 13-week programme, facilitated by Catholic Divorce Support Group.
Upcoming run: July 5 to October 4, 2022.

For more information:

Website: https://www.catholicdivorce.sg/

Email: catholicdivorce.sg@gmail.com

Beginning Experience Weekend
A weekend programme, facilitated by Beginning Experience.
Upcoming run: September 9 to 11, 2022.

For more information:

Website: https://www.besingapore.com/

A church of communion

Jesus came to walk with the broken-hearted, and with those whose hearts need healing. In this present time, He passes this responsibility and vocation to us, calling us to walk with our brothers and sisters who are divorced or separated, and who may be struggling to keep themselves and their children close to the faith.

Pope Francis once said in a 2013 interview with Jesuit publication America Magazine: “The thing the Church needs most today is the ability to heal wounds and to warm the hearts of the faithful; it needs nearness, proximity. I see the Church as a field hospital after battle.”

Let us not forget our divorced or separated brothers and sisters, but embrace them as part of our healing Church.