“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24)

Most of us would have heard this invitation from Jesus at least once, if not multiple times across the span of our discipleship. But what does taking up one’s cross truly mean? How can I, in today’s day and age, imitate the path of my Lord, and take up my cross too?

Tiana's Story of Taking Up her Cross

Tiana (not her real name), shares her experience of “taking up her cross”, and how God allowed her to encounter His presence through her moments of sorrow and solitude:

I was very apprehensive and nervous when I served the separation papers to my ex-spouse, I was devastated, angry and hurt as he had betrayed me several times; and had already left home to live with his girlfriend. I felt dejected and lonely and was not sure how I was going to cope without a partner. I was hoping that if I took that first step towards divorce, I could show him not to take me for granted all these years. Furthermore, I had breast cancer that same year and I was feeling at my lowest point because I had to cope with surgery recovery and visited the doctor on my own. I was worried, lonely and upset with what was happening in my life. I felt depressed visiting the clinic on my own, seeing other patients with their spousal support made me feel worse. Fortunately, my sons were caring and supportive. I felt stressed financially, having to cope on my own income to support the family.

I thought I would be relieved from not having to put up with my ex-spouse’s temper and betrayals. I suddenly felt lost, sad and alone. I did not want to go out with friends and kept to myself. I could not share my troubled marriage with my conservative family and could not talk about the matter with anyone except my best friend. I cried myself to sleep at night.  My restless nights affected my work the following day.

In order to fill my unease and loneliness, I turned to God by praying and pleading with Him to ease my pains, guide me with wisdom and lead me to the right path. I soon started my crusade to attend talks from various churches and healing services. I felt healed and at healing services I would tear especially when the words touched my heart.

Embracing her Cross

Years later, when my ex filed a divorce so he could remarry, my heart still ached. I broke down when I heard our favorite song played over the radio – I wept for all the good times and sobbed for all the bad days we had together. I was glad for this good and long cry as I plugged up enough courage to call and wish him well. I finally embraced the reality that my marriage was over – being stuck in denial was another stage of grief I had to reckon with and resolved at a later stage.

When my first grandson arrived and on his baptism day at Easter, my son invited his father and his new wife to attend the baptism. I knew that this would be a day I had to overcome and reconcile. I felt calm somehow and mentally prepared myself for the occasion. To avoid any awkwardness, I found the courage to greet them and celebrated the event together over lunch. I could never imagine that I could ever move on to such a degree and I was so glad that I have received that grace of forgiving my ex-spouse. I am thankful to Beginning Experience and God for giving me the strength to overcome this. It was only through God’s grace that I could let go of my anger and rage. He made it possible for me to go through the day with calmness and joy to celebrate the baptism instead. When I was alone that night and reflected on the day’s happening, I did not feel any sadness but felt free for the first time in years that I have finally let go of my feelings of hurts and pains.

The Beginning Experience ministry has helped me to rediscover myself and overcoming my fears of loneliness.  I do not have that sinking feeling that kept gnawing at me anymore.  I do not get distracted or disturbed by minor annoyances. I feel that I could now catch up my breath. My feelings of bitterness and disconnect to others are gone. I feel free and contented, and actually enjoy this solitude of peace. I have reached that state of being alone without being lonely. I have developed this self-awareness of others and things around me. I feel renewed, transformed and energized. I get to do the things I like and to love myself again. God has shown me through the Beginning Experience ministry to learn and pray with His people and for me to share and testify His love for us. God will only allow me to carry the cross of this loneliness as much as I could bear. Nevertheless, the cross is not as burdensome as it appears to be. Through it all, it brought new peace and hope.

Embracing our Cross

As we commemorate the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross on 14 September, we call to mind the crosses in our own lives. Rather than be intimidated or ashamed by it, we recall that it was the transformative power of our Lord’s passion, death and resurrection that transformed what had been a symbol of torture, humiliation and scandal into a symbol of hope, restoration and everlasting love. As Saint John Chrysostom teaches; “The Cross of the Lord is unpleasant and sorrowful to the ear, but it consists of joy and gladness…For the Cross is the salvation of the Church, the Cross is the praise of those who hope on it.”.

Today, let us pray for the strength to take up our own cross and follow in the way of Christ, knowing that it is only in drawing strength from our Lord’s cross that we will have the courage and fervour to embrace our own.

Contributor:

Contributed by Beginning Experience (BE), an affiliate of Catholic Family Life. BE seeks to help separated, divorced and widowed persons to work through their grief and become healed, transformed and free again to love themselves, others and God. This is done through the BE Weekend held twice a year in March and September. For more information, please visit them at https://beginningexperiencesg.home.blog/.