Can one truly find rest in God today as a single person, where romance and relationships have found themselves at the forefront of our social lives and family conversations?

On August 28, we commemorate the feast day of Saint Augustine. Daniel (not his real name) of Choice Singapore, an affiliate of Catholic Family Life, reflects on singlehood and the saint’s popular quote: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You.”

Restlessness

Growing up, I always thought I would be able to lead a single life if I was an independent and strong male figure like my peers. To me, being independent meant being able to survive on my own in the world, and being happy as an individual.

But as it turned out, I was constantly measuring myself against others, from comparing grades and soft skills, to sporting excellence and even physique and looks. I started to let what I did, what I had achieved, and what people said of me define who I was – I was seeking for love and affirmation in all the wrong places.

Eventually, I ended up in an abusive relationship which lasted for years and which left me hospitalised. I could not bring myself to tell my parents when I was in the hospital or confront the truth about the incident (till much later), fearing how hurt they would be. On the morning after being discharged, with my face still swollen, my parents teared when they saw me for the first time. It was then that I realised their unconditional love for me and my moment to come home to God.

Finding rest in God

Through retreats, reflections and prayer meetings organised by Choice Singapore, I learnt not to objectify people and friends I met but to see God in them. I also discovered that I could have love and intimacy without necessarily leading to sex or being in a relationship with someone else.

Pope St John Paul II’s 1979 encyclical Redemptor Hominis 10 says that “Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible to himself - his life is senseless - if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it.” Through the love and support of my family and community, I knew love and experienced love, and so I decided to be a gift of love as Jesus was to others.

At a Conversion Experience Retreat organised by the Catholic Spirituality Centre, I discovered my vocation as a single person. As a beloved single, child of God, I am called to gift myself to the community and be bread for others.

God has taken me and made me unique, despite my brokenness. He has blessed me with good things, my family, my talents, and even the strength, courage, and ability to overcome my limitations. He has broken me apart to allow His mercy to flow in through the cracks, to let the light of Christ shine into the darkest parts of my heart. This has to happen so that I can be given to others, to be fruitful and enrich the relationships I have, and continue to touch others by how I live and serve.

In God’s time

As a single today, I still struggle on the journey, especially balancing my work and personal commitments with being a gift to my family and the wider community. I sometimes find myself falling back into my old ways. But I am reminded not to beat myself every time I fall, and that God loves me just the same.

Finally, to those reading this article who are searching and desiring to love and be loved, my humble advice is to be patient with God and yourself. He will send you people who know how to love you as you are, and who will love you as He loves you.

Contributor:

Contributed by Choice Singapore, an affiliate of Catholic Family Life. Choice Singapore seeks to walk with young adults to help them choose wisely at life’s crossroads, in their yearning to love well, in their relationship with God. For more information, please visit http://www.choice.org.sg/ or register at https://forms.gle/UJTcBLYicnK9YQSP7